MY BLOGS

Do you remember the person that came second in a final golf/tennis tournament, 100-meter sprint, or any other event where individuals compete? Well, normally I don’t unless I am that person. Today you will meet a second-place finalist par excellence. For most of my life I was that second person, second in class, second in 100-meter sprint, and the list goes on. But the first place was always elusive.

Always being second pushed me into a continuous comparison. What did I do wrong or different from the final winner? Sometimes I was looking for re-assurance being on the right path. Other times I was looking for reasons or excuses why I couldn’t make it.

It didn’t stop with academics and sports, it spilled over into the rest of my life. I always felt that I was dealt a shorthand in life. I was never smart enough, never pretty enough, never good enough when compared to the winners. Neither did it help when we as a young couple moved into our first owned home and the neighbor commented how easy it was finding our home−find the smallest house on the street. Yup, I needed others to remind me that once again I fell short.

Can you relate to this? Do you look at others or their social media accounts and wonder when will you be able to travel as much as “they” do, live in a similar neighborhood as “them”, or drive the model car “they” are driving? When will my kids be as good mannered as “their” kids? If we could just have the wonderful friends “they” have?

Sometimes it slithers into our spiritual life too. If we could pray as well as “they” do, or lead the Bible study as efficient as “they”? Or be as wise or have the insight “they” do? Or be as lucky as “them”. Maybe you question God’s justice, because you are not as blessed as “your neighbors.”

Or maybe you’re on the other side of the spectrum. You feel good about yourself, because you’re a step ahead of the class and the rest of the world. You’re the person that’s been admired. It makes you feel good and important. And you have a good self-esteem. Spiritually you rationalize your level of devotion to Christ. Or you justify your sins and good deeds. In your pursuit of importance, superiority, and self-esteem it provides assurance that you are not as bad as others.

What’s the benefit of comparing? Nada, nothing, niks–doesn’t matter what language you speak, the benefits of comparisons are zero. On the contrary, it leads to negativity and a lot of destructive emotions−despair and depression, envy and jealousy and a low self-esteem.

I love the story in John 21 where Jesus appeared after his resurrection to seven of his disciples at the shore of Sea of Galilea early in the morning. They were out fishing for the night. Jesus waited on the shore with some fish and bread cooking over charcoal. Hanging around enjoying their fish and freshly prepared bread, Jesus challenged Peter on his love for him. Remember, Peter’s three times denial of knowing Jesus just before the crucifixion? Now Jesus was re-instating Peter as the rock of the church. Even in that moment of deep discussion with Jesus, Peter couldn’t help to compare his life to John’s and asked Jesus what about John. Jesus responded, ”…,what is that to you? As for you, follow me.”

That story spoke so deeply into my soul and again today as I share it with you. What is that to you? What are “your neighbor’s” possessions, position, achievements, spiritual growth, blessings and … fill out your own list here, that to you? The lives of others are theirs. You are to follow Jesus no matter what. And when you compare yourself to others, then you become enslaved to their standards and not follow Jesus.

It’s silly to compare your life with someone else’s. Jesus made each of us unique−our individual fingerprints, own voiceprint, distinctive retinal pattern, unique heartbeat, and DNA. We’ve been shaped by our personal experiences. We’ve cultivated our particular and sometimes peculiar perspectives and opinions. Why waste time imitating others? Or trying to follow their standards?

Stay in the here and now and don’t miss what God has for you. You are blessed in your own way and in your own set of unique circumstances. Maybe your circumstances suck right now. I am sorry about that. But we don’t worship God because we have good circumstances. We worship God for who He is despite our circumstances.

Let Go of Comparisons. And whenever you drift into comparisons, try to remember Jesus’s response, “what is that to you?”. Follow Jesus wholeheartedly. And you’ll become the unique person God created you to be. Your mind will be at peace.

Let me know how I can help you or leave a comment.

Until Next Time

Anita Beukman

Your Hope Coach