MY BLOGS

I groaned to my friend, “I don’t like myself”. He responded, “You don’t know how it feels not to like yourself. By times I wanted to cut of my own head, maybe people would like me better without my face”. These strong words heavy with emotion and deep hurt stopped me in my steps.

Maybe that is how you feel today. All you see in the mirror is your “small eyes, crooked teeth, too long nose, “not well defined” chin or cheekbones, too fat, too thin, big hips and thighs or sticky legs.”

Or maybe you struggle with self-doubt and feelings of inferiority like I did. Years ago, I completed a Master’s degree. My Thesis was accepted and published by the University. Despite my successful completion of my Master’s degree, I still felt I could have done a better job on the report!

Twenty years later, serving for the past twelve years in my current position, I am an expert on my subject matter. Recently, I encountered an unexpected issue during a project. It felt my brain “stopped” working. I was stuck and unable to apply my problem-solving skills. I felt dumb, stupid, uneducated, not knowing what I’m doing and wondering why I try to do this job! I am just not good enough and will never be able to solve this issue.

We suffer from feelings of in-adequacy, insecurity, insufficiency, and self-doubt. We batter ourselves with intense self-criticism when we can’t reach the high standards, we’ve set for ourselves. Guilt follows. It heaps up on our shoulders and attacks our self-worth. Physical pain follows for us as chronic pain sufferers.

We compare ourselves with others, but mostly with the more successful people we know. We don’t like to try new things for fear of disappointments and failure. And we end up missing out on opportunities. Or we dare to try and fail. Then the downward spiral starts−we become more discouraged and biased against ourselves across all aspects of life: emotional, spiritual, intellectual, physical and social.

Can you relate to this? How do we get out of this downward spiral of self-criticism?

   1. Recognize the feelings for what it is. Give it a label ̶ self-criticism and self-doubt. Psychologists ascribed these reported feelings to our “fear brains” and their advice is to talk back at our brains. But how do you talk back at your brain? Remind yourself of the truth:

    a. Your identity in Christ. He has given his life for you. And he extended freedom from guilt, shame, etc.

    b. Your track record with Jesus. He has come through for you in the past through times of difficulty, trials, and tribulations.

    c. God’s promises of his protection, love, compassion in your circumstances. Remember the power of his presence. His mercies are new every day. We have a second, third up the nth chance to start afresh. His forgiveness is complete.

   2. Do not to compare yourself with others. Compare leads to despair. You have your own path and purpose, goals and visions. Focus on your uniqueness and your calling.

   3. Cut yourself some grace. You may take a break, take time off to relax or get eight hours of sleep. God’s rhythm of work and rest was meant for you too! You are not superwoman.

   4. When circumstances are overwhelming, stop, breathe, and be quiet. Ponder on your vision. Re-adjust your goals. Do you realize that re-adjusting your goals is a strategic move? It shifts you into a better position and enables to achieve your goals faster and better. You are setting yourself up for success. Remember that you have achieved goals in the past. When the crisis is over you know from experience that you will re-engage in your project, get back on track to work on your goals.

   5. Give yourself permission to make a mistake. You are human. God uses our mistakes to grow us in faith. And God has your back!

   6. Practice loving kindness to yourself too. Ask yourself: What would your advice be to your good friend in a similar situation?

   7. Stay in the moment. Stop the what-if scenarios, the anxious thoughts about the future, or the mistakes from the past! Pray Jeremy Camp’s*** prayer, “…oh Lord, keep me in the moment. Help me live with my eyes wide open. ‘cause I don’t wanna miss what you have for me...show me what matters”.

Dear friend, I pray for you today that the Lord will keep you in the moment and that you will take captive every negative thought about yourself and bring it before Jesus. He is the one who gives us strength and loves us the most. I pray that you will find your self-worth in Christ and not miss in this moment what he has for you. Amen

Let me know how I can help you or leave a comment.

Until Next Time

Your Hope Coach, Anita Beukman

*** Listen to Jeremy Camp’s Song –Keep Me In The Moment.