MY BLOGS

“Pain is a more terrible lord of mankind than even death itself.” Dr Albert Schweitzer, French Medical Missionary (1931)

Pain is a heavy burden — I can attest to that. As a pre-requisite to Live Light it’s important to evaluate our lives. For us, as pain sufferers, it’s even more important to measure our pain levels as part of this evaluation. Gauging my pain level has become a daily practice in which I have to determine if my pain has reached a level higher than five (out of ten) or, if I am lucky, if it has dwindled to around a level two or a very lucky zero This daily practice is also a daily burden, and is an automatic function that weighs me down.

The Apostle Paul compares life to a race we are running. In Hebrews 12:1 Paul writes, “… let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance…”.

Let’s learn from Paul to let go of everything that holds us back, holds us down, and anything that raises the pain gauge to more than a level five.

Today I want to share about my battle with Perfect.

I am that “perfect” kind of woman in that the word perfect is sprinkled throughout my daily vocabulary. When responding in the affirmative in email or phone conversations, it’s not “yes,” it’s “Perfect!”.

Perfect is not just a word for me. It’s a kind of lens that tints the way I see the world. It’s also a measuring tool for comparing myself to others. Others’ lives always appear so perfect: perfect relationships, families, homes, and the list goes on…

What is it with me and Perfect?

On the one hand I don’t want to let go of Perfect. Perfect is my safe place when I use it to control my circumstances. On the other hand, if anything is slightly off, or if anyone acts outside of my perfect plans, my comfort flies out of the window and Perfect brings pain instead. Questions like “Why do I struggle?” and “Why am I not ‘normal?’” jockey for a place in my mind.

I become unsettled and insecure. Anxiety rolls in and before long I have stiff shoulders, a stiff back, stiff joints, and even a stiff jaw and mobility issues.

Is it only me, or are you too struggling with Perfect? Do you too experience stress if your perfect picture is not achieved? Do you too have sleepless nights about that one relationship that did not work out as you planned? Do you too ruminate over a conversation that went south instead of Perfect as you anticipated? What about that selfie for social media? You are at “Take 6” but your hair is out of place, your smile too wide, or your eyes closed.

We continually measure real life up against the “perfect pictures” in our minds regarding our relationships, our children, our jobs, special days, our homes, finances, and our health. When something is not Perfect, we stress, we fear, and we walk through what if scenarios — we catastrophize about what might happen.

Have you realized how stress is added to your own life and the lives of those around you because of your “perfect pictures”? Have you witnessed how relationships suffer because we can’t handle anything outside of our perfect box? Have you noticed the damage done because of our high expectations and standards for the people around us? How can we stop this? How do we get rid of Perfect?

We can only change course when we realize we are moving in the wrong direction. It’s a good beginning to realize if you too fall in this category—if you too struggle with Perfect.

Let’s start with examining our thought patterns — our reactions to interruptions in our schedules. What is your first thought when you wake up with pain? Oh no, there goes my day, I must once again cancel my appointment with my friend! What will she think of me? Why can’t I control this pain? Why can’t I be ‘normal’?

Naming the emotions, you feel when you are having trouble adhering to your version of Perfect can help you deal with those emotions. Are you angry? Are you frustrated? Are you dissatisfied? Whose Perfect are you trying to reach? Your own? Your mother’s? Your sister’s? Your friends’? Why is it important to match that “perfect picture”? What will happen if your life does not play out accordingly? You and I have to make a deliberate decision to navigate through our circumstances. Is that really a bad thing?

I think it’s time we take control over our lives and get rid of Perfect! Get rid of perfect in your vocabulary. I deliberately threw the word perfect out of my email responses. I slow myself down to think before I act or react. I breathe deeply and let go of Perfect.

Set your mind at the beginning of your day to let go of this concept of Perfect whenever it appears. End your day by letting go of the unfinished to-do lists and the not-so-perfect conversations. Forgive yourself for not being perfect. Breathe deeply. Be grateful that you can live another day of love with family and friends.

As you learn to let go of Perfect, the stress will ease, and the pain will diminish.

More peace and less pain!

Why don’t you try it? Let me know in the comments section how it goes with you and Perfect.

Until next time!

Anita Beukman

Your Hope Coach